To: Heavenly Beings
From: William Buckford
CC: Mohammed, Buddha, JC, Ganesh, et al.
RE: A request

To Whom It May Concern:

Please protect me from becoming one of those guys who checks every pay phone in Penn Station for spare coins, one of those guys with gray hair and blue jeans and an ugly black shirt with white Keith Haring drawings all over it, one of those guys with wire rim glasses that looks like they were military issued, one of those guys with a dirty look on his face, like he’s been cheated, like life has played a cruel, unfair trick on him and he is getting the shitty end of the stick, and has been for the last 27 years, the kind of sick twist of fate that put him in the sad and unfortunate position of being forced (FORCED) to have to go ahead and check every pay phone he comes across for a god damn quarter, a wretched dime, or a god forsaken nickel. Every day, everywhere he goes, he must to do this. It’s just the sort of thing that he has to do. He’d rather not, but the fact of the matter is, his position in inalterable. Thanks!

Your faithful servant,

Willy B.